It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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