There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
