There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
