I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
