Plan B is the new Plan A
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
