There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Randomize
