My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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