Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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