i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
