How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
