I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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