i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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