you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
