i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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