Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
