he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
