say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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