Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
