Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
