i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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