i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
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