What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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