Kiss
Puke
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
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