hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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