And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
