Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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