in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Randomize
