i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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