i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
