My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She bit a glass in half.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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