Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Randomize
