Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
