I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Randomize
