Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
