Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
