I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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