I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
