Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
