she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
