My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
