It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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