Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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