then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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