I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
