I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
