My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
