why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
