so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
