can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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