I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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